Out Tonight
by AdenaMentzel
Summary: Maureen confides in Mimi, and their desperation has consequences...
1. Chapter 1

_Pookie, I'm going out tonight. Don't wait up._

_Love always, your Honeybear._

God, sometimes I just can't stand her! She could have at least called me from work if she wasn't going to be home by now! Joanne needs to commit to _me. I'm_ not the one with the problem here! It's 1:30 in the morning, and I haven't even heard from her since seven this morning—or, technically, yesterday morning, when she woke me up to tell me that she was leaving. That's why I left the note. I needed to drink away the loneliness, the dull ache. And I needed intimacy. So she could just deal with me showing her how it feels. So what if I cheat on her? It's her fault anyway. So I put on some tight black leather pants with a tank top that revealed just a bit too much (over the bra that Roger had commented made me look "buoyant"), slipped on my boots, grabbed my bag and went out the door.

"Fuck it's cold." I muttered under my breath. It was only early September, but unusually cold, which made me realize that I hadn't grabbed my coat, and against my better judgment, I continued walking, not wanting to go back up there. I also realized that I had no idea where I was going. I didn't really feel like drinking by myself, or picking up some sleazebag at one of the bars, nor did I want to go to the loft and be forced to talk to Mark and Roger. Collins was out of town, so I couldn't bother him…so I went to the Cat Scratch, and watched. Mimi was off at two anyway, so it would only be about a half an hour, or really only twenty minutes, considering the time I had taken to get dressed and the time in transit…_make that fifteen minutes, then._ I watched her from a dark corner, so she wouldn't see me. She was gorgeous, though I didn't understand why she wasted her otherwise plentiful talents for this degrading job that she hated. She needed to pay the bills—especially being as sick as she was, she needed to keep the heat on if it was at all possible. Benny had been compliant so far, though personally I was unsure of his reasoning, since in the past their love affairs tended to make her life easier. But still, I doubted that she would cheat on Roger, or that he would be stupid enough to allow it, or not realize it. But they loved each other. And Mimi wasn't stupid like me. I always ruined my relationships because I cheated, although I was still usually the dumper, not the dumped, even though I had been the unfaithful one. I also flirted mercilessly (with both men and women). I wouldn't cheat if my lover would just pay attention to me! _If I were telling this to someone, I would be reprimanded and teased, "That's just the way you are, Maureen the Drama Queen!"_

I was entranced by Mimi's dancing. While being a stripper wasn't an esteemed profession, she looked amazing, and I sort of began to regret my judgment of her job choice. At least she had a steady income, which was more than the rest of us could say (save for Joanne, of course), even poor Collins never knew when a paycheck was coming in, since nobody would accept his theory of Actual Reality. Oh, to be a revolutionary. Such is the curse of la vie Bohème. Joanne could never understand that way of life, though, which frustrated me to no end, but I least I knew that if I stayed with her I would have food and heat, which was more than the boho boys could offer, even with three of them living together. So the question is: the easy, icky, corporate life, or the hard, honest life of the starving artist? I had to say that the artist's life was the life for me. But how can I put up with my life with Joanne, who lived at her boring job, who stood for everything that I was against? She loved me, plain and simple. Could it work if she loved me more than I loved her? Could I really submit to a lifetime of sacrifices and less than desirable amounts of attentions? Because she loves me? And is it possible that I only love her because she loves me? I don't want my life to be so lacking in the passion that characterizes my personality. And I don't mean the cheating. I mean, they always say that it is better to be loved than to love, but how does one live with that? Without the heart dying?

"Hey Maureen! What're you doing here?" The younger woman smiled at me with all the happiness of love and youth. _I used to be like that._ I plastered a huge smile on my face.

"You wanna go somewhere with me? Wherever. I just can't go back to the apartment. It makes me nervous when I'm there alone at night."

"Joanne hasn't come back yet?" Mimi looked shocked.

"Nope. Hasn't even called all day. I tried calling her, and she didn't pick up."

"Are you worried about her?"

"I don't know. I think she loves that damn job more than she loves me sometimes. It's like it was with Mark and his camera. I guess I always go for the taken ones." I laughed, trying to disguise my pain. Mimi laughed lightly, and then looked at me for a moment.

"Yeah. I'd love to spend time with you. But I'd kind of like to go to my loft, if that's all right. The only other real options are cheap gross bars, the life, or the parks. All of which are especially sketchy at night." She smiled. "Let's go, chica!" I accidentally let my disguise slip, sighing in relief,

"Thank you so much, Mimi! I don't know what I would do without you!" _Jump off a bridge, maybe?_ She looked at me, puzzled.

"Maureen Johnson, what is going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Okay. Fine. I'll tell you—when we get to your apartment." She linked her arm with mine, muttering something in Spanish, presumably about my silly desire to keep up appearances.


	2. Chapter 2

When we arrived at Mimi's loft, she looked at me seriously. She hadn't been a part of our group for that long, but she had known me long enough to know that I don't ever talk to anyone about anything of any consequence. I just want attention. It was a completely different story if I gave some bullshit story about being afraid to be in the apartment by myself. Granted, I don't, but watching Mimi at the Cat Scratch wasn't exactly something that drew attention to me, especially given that I had been hiding by the door the entire time. She knew that something was wrong, and my little slip up when we were leaving the club had made her completely positive that I wasn't myself right now. _God Maureen, you can't even keep up appearances? What's wrong with you?_

"Maureen, not that I don't enjoy your presence, but what's going on? What happened?" I cleared my throat, trying to search for words to explain my inner torment. _What did happen? What set me off?_

"Well, nothing really _happened_, it's just that Joanne…she's so distant. I live with her, but I barely ever see her—I guess I just…I don't feel…"

"Loved?" She looked me square in the eye, surprised to see that my eyes were guarded, despite the brokenness in my voice, my inability to express myself, which was _supposed_ to be one of my strengths. _Pull yourself together. You don't want to make a big deal of this. But when we're broken…how we hate to be broken…no. I am not broken. I am perfectly fine._ "Mo, I don't mean to pry, it's just that this is out of character for you. And I know you well enough to love you—as does everyone who knows you. But you can seem so cold, especially in regards to relationships that this sudden emotion is very surprising." _So this is what everyone thinks of me—the glacier-hearted bitch who broke Mark's heart, who is incapable of feeling._ I was brought back to the present by Mimi's sudden coughing fit.

"Are you okay honey?" She was sweating a bit, and looked impossibly weak—the complete opposite of the diva I had seen on the stage.

"I'm _fine_. We're talking about you remember?"

"Mimi…"

"I'm alright, I promise. Go on. Tell me what's on your mind. Take me out of my own problems for a little while? I'm sick of the same old thing everyday." _Touché, Mimi. Nicely worded guilt trip. It worked._

"Oh, I don't know where to begin. It just seems like I see her for two seconds in the morning when she wakes me up to tell me that she's leaving, and then I don't see her again until the same time the next day. I mean, it's okay if she's really busy at work or whatever, but couldn't she at least call to tell me that she's okay? To ask me how I am? I can't have a relationship for the both of us all by myself. I just feel like I'm wasting my time. It's been such a long time since I was in a relationship where there wasn't something in the way. I mean, with Mark it was the camera and Roger—he was a full-time job after…" My voice trailed off as a chill went up my spine, "that was a really hard time for all of us. That was why I hooked up with Joanne in the first place. I honestly didn't expect the relationship to grow into anything sustainable. But as much as I am upset with Joanne for not being around enough, I am furious with myself because I don't know if I love her anymore…I don't know if I really feel anything for her, or I am just being a hypocritical bitch. I can't expect her to want to spend time with me when I can't return the same devotion that she gives me. Or if I don't even want to spend time with myself…"

"Wait, wait, wait—hold up. What is that all about? You are always so sure of yourself, so confident."

"No, I'm just a decent actress."

"Well, at least give yourself credit for being a fucking amazing actress! You have everyone fooled."

"Well, not everyone…"

"Okay, fine. At least for having me fooled."

"Alright then."

"Didn't it concern you that she wasn't home yet? Is it abnormally late for her to be returning?"

"Well, usually she's back by midnight, though I think that before tonight, one was the latest that she had ever come home. I don't think I'm that worried about her though. She tends to get carried away…"

"Workaholic?"

"It seems to make her happier than I can…"

"Oh, now _that_ can't be true! You are, by far, the most fun person I have ever met!"

"I'm just irresponsible, messy, spontaneous…maybe that's not her idea of fun? I have no idea. I don't doubt that she loves me, but I feel like…she has to choose me, or I'm gone."

"Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"When? She's never around for long enough." She looked at me sympathetically, trying to come up with a solution to my problem. She is really adorable, especially when she is thinking really hard, when she's concerned. _I am so glad that I came to her…if I didn't have Mimi, where would I have gone? Mark? That would hurt him so much…_

"I know. Here's what you will do. You are going to wake up however early it is that she wakes up, or else you will talk to her when you get home, or maybe that will end up being the same time, but regardless, you are going to have to find a way to talk to her in person. If that doesn't work, you are going to go to her office and sit there until she talks to you. Because this issue is too important to ignore, because it is tearing you apart, but it isn't so major that you should break up over it. I think that when you tell her how you feel, she will understand." _How can Mimi be so positive? Such a light in my life? Even as her light is going out? Even though she has no faith in her own love or relationship? I owe it to her to help her out, too. But how can I do that?_ "Mo? You okay?" She placed her hand on my shoulder, which snapped me out of my bubble.

"Oh, sorry." I blushed, embarrassed to have been caught escaping to another world entirely my own.

"Honey, you're crying." Her voice was tender, cooing.

"Huh. Would you look at that? I am." I laughed, and quickly pushed my guilt and fear aside, managing to stop the tears almost immediately, flashing her a huge smile. _That's great acting, ladies and gentlemen!_ Guilt for having nothing to offer, fear of losing her to her disease. "I'm fine. I should just be going now, it's getting really late, or is it…early? In any event, I'll drop by tomorrow."

"I'll be upstairs if I'm not here." She grinned, ecstatic that she and Roger were okay again, and I couldn't help but be happy for her. I hugged her warmly; her happiness and positivity starting to seep into me as I walked back to Joanne's in the frigid night air. But as I continued walking, I got back into my own head again, and it wasn't all flowers and rainbows in there. The pitch-black night, illuminated only by ugliness, revealing scary figures that I would've rather not seen. Drug dealers, rapists, and overall sketchy people who seemed to be fleeing from some sort of crime surrounded me, and the freezing wind tore at me, sharply screaming at me. When I finally got back the apartment, it was about four. I walked in to find Joanne sleeping on the couch, sitting upright, holding the note that I had left in her hand. I laughed softly; she looked so peaceful, and I almost didn't want to wake her because a conscious Joanne is nowhere near as angelic, especially after I had left an angry note, which more or less implied that I would be out cheating on her. I drew in a deep breath before rubbing her shoulder lightly to wake her (she wasn't a very heavy sleeper, but I guess most people aren't when they fall asleep on the couch. Of course, I am, however).

"Pookie? What're you doing out here?" She blinked a few times, then glanced at the paper in her hands, immediately remembering why she was there, and upon recalling she said,

"Well, I _wasn't_ waiting up for you, apparently." I smiled nervously, not knowing what was to come.

"When did you get home, honey?"

"What time is it now?"

"About four."

"About a half an hour ago. I was really swamped." I sighed, somehow disappointed, though it wouldn't have made much difference if she had gotten home before that, since I wouldn't have been there. "Maureen, where _were_ you?" she asked accusingly, narrowing her eyes at me as she became more awake, seeming to be more able to comprehend what was going on now. She began to scrutinize my appearance, to see if she could prove that I had been out cheating on her. It was then that I remembered that I had been crying, and hoped that she wouldn't pick up on it, that my makeup wouldn't give me away. If she could tell, she did a good job of concealing it.

"I was with Mimi. I didn't know where to go, but I didn't want to sit here by myself anymore. I needed to talk to somebody, to see a physical person. I feel like I'm wasting away in here sometimes…anyway, I didn't want to see Mark, and I certainly didn't want to see Roger, and Collins is out of town again, and Angel's with him…and I didn't want to get drunk or sit around the Life or the park in the dark…so I went to the Cat Scratch and watched her for a little while, so that I would be there when she got off. Even though I don't know what I think of her job choice, she _is_ really good." Joanne looked stunned, and was having a little trouble processing everything that I had just said. I felt my body tense up, and felt rage building up inside of me. _What was she expecting me to say? I was out fucking some random sleazy stranger? I was making love to Mark?_ She sighed heavily and drew me into her arms.

"Honeybear, I am so sorry that I have been so busy…" I let my head fall on her chest, tears of resentment and sadness streaming out of my eyes, collecting on her drab beige sweater. Her embrace had the power to make all of my defenses desert me, my logic. The only place that I truly felt safe enough to fall to pieces was in her arms. It surprised me that she could tell what had been bothering me without me having to say anything. _I guess the streaks of mascara were a pretty good giveaway…_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN-_ Please_** review :)

--Mimi--

Maureen the Drama Queen. I had been enamored with her from the moment that we met. She was the kind of person whom you just couldn't keep your eyes off of. Not only was she strikingly gorgeous in a very unique yet breathtaking manner, but also her personality was incredible. She had the power to light up a room. She had an amazing smile, and all the charisma you'd be likely to find anywhere, because if she had anymore she would explode. To be more likeable, more confident, more beautiful or more talented than Maureen Johnson was next to impossible. At the same time, you had to be careful what you said to her, because if you said the wrong thing, the fires of Hell were more appealing than her temper. Her pout possessed a persuasive power more effective than I had ever seen, while the facial expression looked absolutely ridiculous on everyone else on the planet. She was unique, and she was strong. Maureen always knew what she wanted—and got it, too.

Which is why I was stunned and appalled to find a tear-stained, distraught Maureen hiding in a corner near the door at the Cat Scratch. I didn't know what to do, say or even think…no one had ever come to me for advice before, and I had never been any good at consoling people. _Why didn't she go to Joanne? Or if Joanne is the problem…_

"Hey chica!" As I approached her, I saw that she was completely lost in thought, so I tapped her on the shoulder, smiling wildly, either from the adrenaline rush from the stage or the fact that she had come to me. I couldn't tell what exactly was bothering her, but I did know that she wouldn't be caught dead in the Cat Scratch unless she was waiting for me. It could have also been a little bit because I had never seen her fall to pieces before—I doubted that anyone had. "Hey Maureen! What're you doing here?" She smiled at me, trying to disguise her emotion, but something about her facial expression still exuded a profound sadness.

"You wanna go somewhere with me? Wherever. I just can't go back to the apartment. It makes me nervous when I'm there alone at night." Somehow I seriously doubted the validity of the excuse, but I _was_ shocked that Joanne had not come home yet, and I said as much, which prompted Maureen to look as though she had not meant to reveal Joanne's absence to me. She wanted it to look as though everything were fine. She let out what I presumed to be an involuntary sigh, and told me that she hadn't even spoken to Joanne all day. I couldn't tell whether her lack of communication with her lover was the cause for concern, or the fact that Joanne was so entrenched in her job. It seemed that Maureen was hurt because Joanne was so in love with her job, despite the fact that she had left Mark for Joanne…probably because Maureen had been jealous of the camera. I would have laughed if she had not looked like this abandonment was enough to make her jump off of a building. I invited the diva back to my apartment after gently looking her over in an attempt to see the depth of her pain, and her attempt to hide her desperation completely melted away for a brief moment. I was relieved to see her being real with me, although I knew that she hadn't intended me to see it. _I wonder if Joanne gets to see Maureen being honest? Truly herself, without charades and phony smiles?_ Regardless, the sudden outpouring of emotion concerned and confused me. I slid my arm through hers, and pulled her along with me, back to my apartment below the boys' loft.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN-** This chapter is slashy. Don't kill me. Reviews greatly appreciated.

--Mimi—

The next time I saw Maureen after her little breakdown was at the loft. She was all smiles, perched happily on Joanne's lap, unable to take her hands off of Joanne the entire time. Later on, Maureen had excused herself to the bathroom after Joanne had left because she had some work to attend to. Honestly, I was a little concerned about Maureen, though she seemed completely fine, and you can't condemn a girl for going to the bathroom. I shared my concern with Roger, who thought that I was completely insane to even care about Maureen, given that she was so oblivious to the world—resentment that he had left over from when she had broken up with Mark, resentment that I had never heard Mark himself express.

Mark was in the corner fiddling with his camera, Collins was reading, and Roger was absently strumming his guitar, and Angel was attempting to collaborate with Roger, which worked until the drumming snapped Rog out of his zone of preoccupation. They engaged in a discussion about music, and I began to feel increasingly alone, which only served to sharpen my concern for Maureen. Roger and I had been getting along very superficially recently—he didn't ask, I didn't tell, which explained his lack of discourse, the hatred and venom that tinged each word that came out of his mouth (well, and there was the fact that I had forced him to think about Maureen). We weren't fighting, nor were we exactly being intimate.

When Maureen hadn't returned from the bathroom twenty minutes later, Mark began more frantically fiddling with his camera, and I could tell that he desperately wanted to check on her, but didn't want to be drawn back under her spell, because that usually resulted in him getting in major trouble from Joanne, even in instances where he was innocent. Granted, Maureen got in much more trouble, but those two were always at each other—Maureen passionate about every aspect of her life, and Joanne hopelessly convinced that she could tame Maureen. I knocked on the door to the bathroom, and when I didn't get a response, I gently opened the door and let myself in, finding Maureen crying silently on the floor.

I had always imagined that she would be the type to sob loudly and dramatically, but on the contrary, while her body convulsed violently, very little sound escaped from her tormented, twisted, rocking form on the floor. I locked the door to the bathroom, which was a precaution rarely taken in this loft, which I had discovered once when Mark walked in on me in the shower, blushed profusely and was unable to look me in the eye for three weeks following that incident. I silently sat beside her and stroked her hair, comforted her to the best of my ability. My hand strayed across one of her breasts by accident when I was rubbing one of her arms, and I saw her nipple rise beneath the thin fabric of her shirt, and as my hand lingered, I felt an odd tingle rush through my body. I quickly retracted my hand, feeling awkward as heat built up in my lower regions, not knowing why I was having this reaction. Granted, nobody would expect and S&M dancer such as myself to be startled by arousal, but I had never touched a woman before. Maureen pulled me closer to her, her eyes glowing and glued to mine as she straddled me and began to kiss me passionately. Shocked, I leapt out from beneath her, frightened by the lack of disgust that I felt, astounded by how forward she was when both of us were taken, and then sat back down beside her. _Well, we are both unhappy...but that's no excuse..._

"Maureen, what are you doing?" She eyed me seductively, rubbing the inside of my thigh, and again the warmth crept up, my thoughts of Roger and being straight running far out of my mind as this exotic experience washed over me. She took my hands and slid them up beneath her shirt to demonstrate that she wasn't wearing a bra, her nipples hardening because of my cold hands, and I touched them gingerly as she pressed herself up against me with a hunger of an intensity that I had never before seen, almost crazed. While I was a little bit scared, I was equally as intrigued.

The next thing I knew, we were both completely naked, and she was touching my aching body. My muscles contracted at the feel of her cold fingers. _This isn't right…what is wrong with her? What is wrong with me? _But my morals deserted me as I climaxed very quickly, embarrassed at my lack of experience, or maybe just at the fact that I was having sex with a woman in my boyfriend's loft. Once we had finished, flushed and extremely embarrassed, I dressed quickly and left the loft, unable to hold anyone's gaze, not even Maureen's as I left. I didn't speak to anyone. The boys were just as desensitized and dazed as when I had left them there, and they didn't notice as I left. _What the fuck did I just do? And why?_


	5. Chapter 5

--Maureen—

_Okay, well…maybe I shouldn't have fucked Mimi. She's got Roger, who already hates my guts. I've got boring, hypersensitive Joanne, who loves her job more than me and won't let me flirt with anyone else. Then there is the fact that Mimi won't look at or speak to me anymore, which is making Roger increasingly uncomfortable around me, hating me all the more since Mimi isn't happy. I can understand that she would feel awkward—I mean, she is straight and all…but then again…_The rest of that day I had walked the streets of the city in a daze, having nowhere to be and no one to be with, no job. Periodically, people would stop, whistle, flirt, casually touch my breasts, pretending that they had "accidentally" bumped into me. I hardly noticed, rarely reciprocated today. _Joanne would be glad for that. Though not so much that I had sex with Mimi, which is why I am so out of it…Joanne. This is all about Joanne. If she hadn't been so…ugh. _When I finally got home that night, Joanne had still not returned. She was already awake the next time I saw her.

"Honeybear, GET UP! It's already past noon and we are meeting the others at the Life in less than an hour!"

"Pookie…I am up!"

"You're up? How can you be up if your head is still under the pillow?"

"I'm awake though!" I heard her voice get closer, and she started tickling me. Of course, I reacted as a four-year-old would, but what else do you do if you are being tickled? "Joanne! That is _definitely_ not going to help me get ready on time! Remember what happened the last time?" I attempted a seductive tone in my voice, which failed as she began tickling me harder and I could barely breathe because I was laughing so hard. She was on top of me now, and a familiar heat, hunger began to fill me and I pulled her face towards me, drawing her in towards me so I could trap her in a passionate kiss. "Ow!"

"What?"

"Nothing, Pookie."

"No, baby- you said "Ow"- what?"

"You bit my tongue."

"No, I didn't."

"You did- I'm bleeding."

"No it isn't."

"I think I should know…"

"Let me see-"

"She doesn't believe me." I was, of course, speaking to the invisible audience. _Well, that was certainly easier when I was with Mark—I would be talking to the camera as opposed to the air._

"I was only trying to…"

"Forget it."

"Maureen-"

"It's not important."

"What's going on with you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, honey, it's just…you've been a little distracted."

"I'm fine." I got dressed hastily, not wanting to talk to her anymore, not wanting to be anywhere near her.

"Honey--" She grabbed me by my shoulders, looking down at me (obviously, as she _is _taller than me, especially when she has shoes on and I don't). "Sweetie, I'm just worried about you. Can you understand that? Baby…are you okay?" I nodded, tears springing to my eyes. She had taken the day off from work for me, and all I could do was bitch at her? What is wrong with me? She just held me, just as she always did, when she wasn't to busy either working or hating me, or both simultaneously. _I can't believe I cheated on her…what the fuck is wrong with me?_

"Jo, I meant it when I said I was fine. Let's not fight anymore." She squeezed me in reassurance.

"Okay sweetie. You about ready to go?" I nodded and went running about, trying to find my boots, washing my face, putting on makeup. _I must have lost my mind…I don't remember where anything is…_ "Honey, you look like a chicken running around with its head cut off. We can be a little late."

"We already _are_ a little late." _Isn't that _her_ line?_

"We can be a lot late then." I looked at her, puzzled.

"Are _you_ feeling alright? What's with this new attitude?" She just laughed. "No—seriously."

"I'm _fine_. I just don't want to fight over this." I held my still bleeding tongue, knowing full well that if I said anything it would likely escalate, and finished preparations.

"Okay. Let's go." _Not too bad…only fifteen minutes late. I've been way later…_

**_AN_**--I know this is kind of a cop out chapter. Not sure I did the best job with it. Review, please!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Thanks for the great input! Keep the comments coming (let's aim for...at least four? I won't threaten not to update, but let's make that the goal)

* * *

--Mimi—

"Roger! Mimi! Get your lazy asses out of bed! We're going to the Life!" I slowly opened my eyes to test the light, only to discover that Roger's arm was on my face. I pushed his arm away and got up, quickly throwing on a tight electric blue mini-skirt with fishnets, and my cheetah print boots, in addition to a tight black off-the-shoulder sweater that had various shaped and colored rhinestones around the broad collar. Getting dressed was one of my favorite things—you could choose exactly how you wanted the rest of the world to see you. Mostly it was fun to drive Roger a little bit crazy. I climbed on top of the still-sleeping Roger and grabbed his crotch, which made him leap out of bed, causing me to roll off of him. I had come back to the loft after taking a few hours to pull myself together in my loft, though I said that I had been at work. He was too dazed that day to have known the difference. I was embarrassed about what I had done with her, and refused to speak to her, even though she had called my apartment apologizing about fifty times, and she had called the loft as well. Roger picked up the phone and told her not to call us, even though he had no idea what she wanted to talk to me about. I really didn't want him be cruel to her because of me, but I couldn't face her. Going to the Life was going to be a bit awkward, but I couldn't go through life in this family if I couldn't be in the same room as Maureen. And a crowded public place seemed like the easiest place to remedy the situation. I kissed Roger one more time before telling him to get dressed. _Why did I let her do that to me? I didn't want to. How could I not have hated it? Was I just trying to spite Roger for being so distant? Even though I am never going to tell him, but still…could that be it? I'm certainly never going to do that again. I wish I could take it back…I liked my platonic friendship with her. Can we just pretend that it never happened? Would that work? If anyone found out, she would get in so much trouble…I doubt that anyone would really blame me…I don't want that to happen. I love her…as a friend. That relationship was not one that I wanted to jeopardize._

"Meems? You in there?" I was sitting on the couch, lost in thought. Collins was standing before me, hand on my shoulder shaking me lightly, holding a cup of coffee out to me. He looked concerned.

"Yeah Collins. Sorry. I guess I'm just more tired than I thought. Wait—COLLINS! What are you doing here? When did you get here?" He laughed heartily at my enthusiastic response. I took the coffee from him and set it down on the table so that I could hug him enthusiastically. Angel came up behind Collins and once I released him, I pulled her into a hug as well. Angel whispered into my ear,

"Chica, qué está pasando? Por qué eres triste?" I glanced at Collins, who took it as a hint to leave the two of us alone, so he went to bother Roger, who had finally emerged from the cave otherwise known as his room. I knew that I could trust Angel with the truth, trust her not to tell anyone, trust her not to judge Maureen or myself. I told her how concerned I was about Maureen, how strangely she had been acting, and of course about our little sexual encounter. "Well, Mimi, clearly I missed a lot when I was away with Collins. You know that the only thing to do now is talk to Maureen. You need to figure out what is going on in her mind. Even if nobody else can sense that something is wrong with her, you have to follow your instincts. I mean, what if you were right to be concerned but didn't press because everyone else told you she was fine? What if she did something to herself, or something bad happened that you could have prevented? You know as well as I do to live life without regrets. Follow your instincts." With that, she gave me a quick hug and we started on our trek to the Life Café. As we got closer to the establishment, my anxiety heightened, not knowing what was to come…


	7. Chapter 7

--Maureen—

I was shocked to discover as I entered the Life with Joanne, that the others were not yet present, which was highly unusual as I was, predictably, usually the last one to be ready to do anything, and of course never on time for anything-- which drove Joanne (also predictably) completely up the wall, but that never helped us to get anywhere on time anyway. We sat at the usual table, and Joanne started talking to me about something or other, but I couldn't concentrate—I was too nervous about having to face Mimi. I hoped that she wouldn't be too upset with me, or that it wouldn't be too obscenely awkward, but I knew that there was no other way around it. Joanne seemed to be in a strange mood, not really sure whether to be extremely irritated with my rude and spacey attitude or to be affectionate and at peace with me. Our morning fight had ended up pretty well, I thought, but I knew that she wasn't going to let my harsh and especially scatterbrained manner from that morning go. I only hoped that she wouldn't have to find out about Mimi. I sat there, trying to focus on the words that were coming out of Joanne's mouth, trying so hard to be a good girlfriend…and failing miserably. I couldn't keep my mind from wandering back to my relationship with Mimi and whether or not we would ever be able to be friends again. Joanne finally seemed to realize that I was getting absolutely nothing out of whatever it was that she was trying to tell me.

"Maureen, what the hell is wrong with you today? You've been acting really bizarre."

"Sorry Pookie. I'm just a little out of it I guess."

"I don't buy it. What aren't you telling me?" _Am I really that obvious? Why can't I just get a grip?_ Fortunately, at exactly that moment the others arrived, and I didn't have to continue the private conversation with Joanne, although she did shoot me a death glare which let me know that I was most certainly not off the hook. I went about my usual round of hugs, greeting everyone, but when I got to Mimi, she stood rigid, and I became very uncomfortable. Angel stared at the two of us wordlessly, and I knew that she knew everything. Nobody else seemed to have noticed our awkward hello, and the apparent hatred that Mimi now had for me…I slunk away wordlessly to the bathroom. I picked my feet up and sat on one of the toilets in one of the stalls, so that I wouldn't be seen if anyone happened to come in, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my eyes on them, contemplating how exactly I should go about these encounters with Mimi, how I could best communicate to her my desire to be her friend, not her lover. Mind you, I was the pro at seducing people, but when it came to good old-fashioned friendship, I was completely clueless. For this reason, I was absolutely positive that I would have made a fabulous stripper, but regardless…I had to turn my attention to easing the tension between Mimi and myself.

I was truly sorry that I had done such an abominable thing with her. From a very young age, I had known that to fuck a close friend was the fast track to losing that friend. It was my way of pushing people away when they got too close for comfort. When I didn't want them to help me anymore. Or maybe it was more of a cry for help, wanting to test my relationship and see how much my friends really loved me. Sex was the only weapon that I was an expert at using, as I couldn't even seem to keep up appearances when it mattered the most. Falling to pieces was not something that I was accustomed to or comfortable with doing at all. _Great Maureen. What the fuck have you done? Are you_ trying_ to make everyone hate, or are you really that terrible of a person that there is no way around it? Why didn't you just kill yourself instead of chasing Mimi? Or are you so in love with being tormented and tortured?_

After a while of retreating into my brain and trying to come up with a course of action, and of course getting absolutely nothing for my efforts, I got up off of the toilet and headed towards the sink, walking into Mimi, who was just standing there, looking equally as conflicted as I felt. I mumbled and apology before going to wash my face and repair my makeup to the best of my ability, but before I even made it to the sink, she grabbed my arm and searched my eyes for a moment, though I couldn't put my finger on what she was searching for.

"What's wrong, Maureen?" I was astonished that she was oblivious to the fact that the possibility of losing her friendship was one of the most frightening things that I could imagine.

"I don't want you to leave…" She looked confused.

"I'm not going anywhere…what's wrong?" I sighed.

"No…I mean, I need you to be my friend. I really screwed things up the other day, and I'm sorry…but I can't handle this…this awkwardness. And the way that you can't even bear to look at me half the time, while the other half of the time you glare at me with such…hatred." She embraced me, and I held onto her tightly.

"It's okay. I mean…I did sort of start it, and I didn't make you stop…"

"You tried to, though, and I didn't let you."

"I could have, though, if I had really wanted to. Can we just put this behind us, just be friends again?" Despite the fact that this was what I had wanted, her friendship, I couldn't help but feel a slight wave of sadness wash over me, wondering what it could have been under different circumstances. Instead of speaking, as I thought my words might betray me, I desperately clutched her a little bit tighter and she laughed. "We better be getting back out there before something happens…" I wasn't quite sure of the meaning of those words, as they were sort of ambiguous, but I let it slide, laughing lightly. She looked a little confused at my laughter as we separated, but smiled nonetheless. We walked out of the bathroom together and returned to our respective seats, beside our respective partners.

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**Author's note:** Wow, really sorry this update took such a long time. Reviews last chapter were awesome-- keep it up! I hope you liked it...don't forget to leave your opinion on the way out:)


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** I know, I know, it took too long for this update, too. And it's really short. But I should have the next chapter up today. Keep up the fabulous reviews!

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--Mimi— 

Once we returned to the rest of the group, it seemed that logically things were looking up, but I felt as though I had just lost the chance for something that I desperately wanted, even though I knew that I did not, in fact, want to be with Maureen. I love Roger, with all of my heart, and he is the most incredible person that I have ever met. Granted, he goes through his moods, and sometimes we don't talk all that much, sometimes I hate his guts. But recently, we have been getting along pretty well, even though I still seem to be ignored so much of the time. I just need to talk to him about it, that's all.

Roger and Joanne were sitting next to one another, therefore, Maureen and I were next to each other, being that not long after we returned, we ended up perched on out lovers' laps. It was a good night, very lighthearted, and everyone seemed to be getting along well. And then it happened. I was making out with Roger, minding my own business, and all of a sudden, Joanne starts screaming at Maureen. Now, I know as well as anyone that those two are always fighting, but Joanne really lost it this time.

"Maureen! What the fuck has gotten into you? You haven't listened to a fucking word that I have said since we got here! I took off today from work because for you! I know that something is up, but if you aren't even going to tell me what is wrong, then I really don't know what I am doing here! I don't know what I can possibly do for you, but I can't deal with this anymore! I have tried so hard to put up with you because I love you, but this isn't working. You know that I will respect whatever the hell you want, but we can't have a relationship with no communication!"

I stopped what I was doing and involuntarily snuggled closer into Roger. I can't stand when people yell. It scares me. I asked him softly, so only he could hear,

"What prompted that?"

"Maureen said that she wanted to go home and be alone for a while." I looked over at Maureen, and saw that she was frightened. In her eyes, there was pure terror, almost like I had seen in her eyes the night that she came to the Cat Scratch. She was even cowering a little bit, she had put her chair between Joanne and herself, and in inching backwards accidentally fell into Mark's lap, which was when she started to cry. I caught her eye, and looked at her sympathetically. I wanted so much to go after her, but I didn't want to take sides. Maureen ran out of the café—I shot a look of desperation at Angel, and she got up to go after Maureen. Nobody would ever accuse Angel of taking sides—she was the mediator in all issues involving our family. I mouthed "thank you" to her as she left, then sat down in my chair again as everyone stared at one another in amazement and Joanne looked down at the table. Collins looked upset, which was understandable since Maureen was like his baby sister. I never knew why they wereso close, but I guessthey probably bonded over anarchy.

After a few minutes, we went back into mindless chatter, and after about an hour or so, we all split up and went our own separate ways.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** Another short chapter. Next chapter will be longer, I promise. Review it, please, this chapter and the previous. It would make me happy, and happy means that I write more. :)

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--Maureen—

As soon as I was past the windows of the Life Café, I ran towards the loft. I didn't hear Angel calling me until she was on top of me. She grabbed my shoulders and spun me around.

"Maureen, honey, are you okay?" I didn't trust myself to speak, so I merely shook my head. She took me into her arms and tried her best to soothe me. It didn't really work. After a while she let go of me and looked me in the eye. "Maureen, sweetie, what's going on?" I shrugged.

"I guess this whole thing with Mimi is a bigger deal than I had anticipated. I thought that everything would be fine as long as we could still be friends, but I am still preoccupied about it. I don't know how to tell Joanne—because if I do, I think I'm going to really lose her for good. And I don't think that I could handle that. I don't know what I want, and I am pretty sure that Mimi would kill me if I wanted anything more than just being friends."

"Reena, I think that you need to talk to her. That is the only way that all of your feelings—and I mean for both of you—are going to get sorted out. Otherwise, you and Mimi will never have the same close friendship that I know you both want. I know you will work something out, but I can't solve this problem for you—if I could, I would've done it already." I smiled, and she hugged me one more time.

"I think I'm going to go to Mimi's loft and wait for her so I can talk to her." Angel nodded.

"Here, honey, I'll walk you there."

"I'd really rather be alone…"

"I know, but I don't trust you on your own right now." I submitted to her request. Angel wrapped and arm around me as we walked in silence, and tears made their way down my face. I leaned into Angel and rested my head against her shoulder. After a while, I broke the silence.

"Angel?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I don't understand how you can possibly be as wonderful as you are. You are such and amazing person and friend."

"Oh, that's silly. I'm not all that great. Trust me, I am lucky to have you as my friend—and this family is the best blessing I have ever been given." She squeezed my shoulders. "Okay, here we are!"

"Thanks Ange. It means a lot. And you are better than you think you are."

"So are you, Maureen." I make a face at her, then walk into the building and up to Mimi's loft, which she has left unlocked, lucky for me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note:** YAY UPDATE!!! Sorry it took so long. PLEASE REVIEW and I will try to update soon:) Thanks for all the great reviews so far, keep it up!

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--Mimi—

When I got back to my loft, I wasn't surprised to find it unlocked. Ever since my incident with Maureen, I had been forgetting to do the most obvious things. As I opened the door, I heard someone moving around within the loft, and started to get a little bit scared. Roger was still right behind me—he liked to wait until I got into my loft before he went upstairs. He looked slightly tense, and I knew that he had heard the noise too. I opened the door slowly, my heart pounding, not knowing what to expect. Much to my surprise, when I opened the door, Maureen was there, pacing a couple feet away, parallel to the door, and talking to herself. I turned to Roger, who looked puzzled and shrugged, and motioned for him to go upstairs. I kissed him lightly before entering the apartment. I set down my purse by the door and walked gently over to where Maureen was pacing. She seemed oblivious to my presence. I gently reached out to touch her shoulder lightly, and she jumped, startled.

"Oh…hi…uh, I'm sorry…I shouldn't be here, but…I…we need to talk." I looked at her, baffled. She looked awful—she looked extremely pale and tired. There were big, black bags under her eyes, and I became very concerned about her.

"It's okay…sweetie, are you all right?" She shook her head.

"I don't even know what I am anymore." I put my hands on her shoulders to stop her from pacing and looked into her eyes for a moment, assessing her state, then put a hand on her back, leading her over to my bed, which was, in effect, the only thing to sit on the room. She shivered slightly and coughed, which was when I noticed that she didn't have a jacket with her, and she was wearing a tank top. I touched her arm, which was freezing, and then her forehead, which was burning up.

"Oh Maureen, honey, you have a fever. Here…" I said, wrapping a blanket around her. I went and put on some water to make tea, then I went back to sit beside her. "Maureen, you really need to take better care of yourself." She nodded meekly. "So…what did you want to talk to me about?" She tensed visibly. "Maureen, it's okay…I promise whatever it is, I won't leave."

"How can you say that? You don't know what I did…aren't there things that are unforgivable?" I shrug.

"Well, yeah, but I highly doubt that you have killed anybody, and most other things are forgivable. Besides, I care about you. A lot. And it does matter to me what happens to you, and I know that if I leave you alone right now, nothing good could possibly come of it." She looked at me skeptically, but started talking anyway.

"Okay…well, even if you can forgive me for what I am about to say to you, there is a very high probability that it will fuck up any semblance there is left of the friendship that used to have. But whatever, I guess there really isn't a way around this, so I'm not gonna beat around the bush or anything…look, Mimi, I know that I told you that we could just be friends and that would be cool…and maybe it would be…but I can't deny that I am attracted to you, and I wish that I felt differently than I do but I don't. I just needed to let you know that this is the way that I feel. I can't go on pretending that I never felt anything more, or that what happened only happened out of desperation, because even though that was part of it…I don't know…I just felt like there was something more." As she rambled on, my heart seemed to skip a beat. I felt certain now that she felt exactly the same way that I did, but I was too much of a coward to admit it to anyone, even myself. I attempted to catch her gaze, but she was purposefully avoiding mine. I smiled lightly at the nervous way that she seemed to be contemplating my floor, and put two fingers beneath her chin so that her eyes met mine—they were tearing. She still tried to look away, which made me laugh. She be looked at my incredulously. I hugged her gently.

"Maureen, sweetie…what are you so afraid of?" She looked at me, confused.

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, no, of course not. And besides, that would be hypocritical." Her face scrunched up in thought—it was absolutely adorable.

"Wait…you mean…?" She slowly seemed to be catching my drift, but she still looked at me curiously, as though she didn't believe what I was saying. I leaned in and kissed her softly and quickly on the lips. Maureen smiled happily, and then just sat for a moment. She spoke softly again. "So where do we go from here?" I didn't know what to say.

"Um…I really wish that we could…be together…I…don't know. I don't know what to do about Roger…I mean…I have to talk to him." She nodded.

"It's going to be ugly with Roger…and he already hates me. I really hate that I am coming between the two of you…he really deserves to be happy, you know?"

"So do you, Maureen. And besides, if I'm not happy with him, how could he be completely happy with me?"

"I know but…he used to be my friend. If I take you from him, I don't think that I will ever be able to reconcile with him."

"But you do want to be with me, right?" She nodded.

"Of course I do. It's just…"

"Shh…it's okay. We don't have to figure this all out right now. Everything will be fine." I tried to mask my uncertainty, and Maureen seemed to buy it…I only wished that I could convince myself that it would all work out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** Sorry the update took so long! I was swamped in school work and stuff. The reviews have been great-- keep it up! I hope you like this chapter...

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--Maureen—

I don't know how it happened, but I must have fallen asleep at Mimi's place. I remembered vaguely Mimi commenting that I had a fever the night before, but I hadn't really felt it more than merely having the chills until this morning, but as soon as I came around I felt nauseous, and my head and throat hurt. I coughed raggedly and my chest felt like it was on fire.

I couldn't see Mimi, so I started to panic, thinking that maybe she had left me or something, which in retrospect was kind of stupid as I was in her loft, but whatever. I was sick. My entire body ached and I highly doubted that I could get up even if I had any desire to.

A couple of minutes later, the door swung open and Mimi walked in.

"You're up!" She said brightly, grinning. I groaned. She stuck her tongue out at me. "Well, sunshine, that's what you get for not taking care of yourself." She brought me a glass of water.

"Thanks." I managed hoarsely. She nodded.

"It's nothing. I take it your not feeling all that great?" She asked as she helped prop me up against the pillows on the bed. I shook my head and took the water shakily. I coughed again. "That doesn't sound good, Mo, you should get to a doctor." I shook my head.

"No...I'll be fine." I said quickly, wincing at the pain if speaking. I took a drink of the water, trying to soothe the pain. She looked at me skeptically.

"Do you even know where you are going to sleep tonight?" I was confused briefly before I remembered the events of the previous night and Joanne's tirade.

"Shit." I coughed again.

"See what I mean? Chica, you gotta get yourself some help. I would help you out, but if what you got is contagious, I gotta look out for myself first." I nodded guiltily.

"Sorry." She looked at me sympathetically.

"No, don't be sorry-- mira, I'm just trying to look out for you."

"I know, but still...I've been selfish."

"You're just stubborn. I betta get used to it." She laughed. I scowled playfully. "Oh, you know I love you." Then she sighed. "I'm gonna get Mark to take you to the doctor, okay?" I nodded, drinking the water slowly. She ruffled my hair and departed.

Shortly thereafter, Mark stumbled into the room, blushing and look down at the floor. I couldn't help but smile, however that caused me to start on a coughing fit that felt like it lasted about a minute. He rushed to my side.

"Hey, are you okay?" I shook my head and cleared my throat. "What hurts?" I rolled my eyes.

"You sound like my mother." He sighed.

"That's not a first. Seriously, what's wrong?" I relented.

"Everything hurts, Marky!" I whined shamelessly. "My throat, my head, my whole fuckin' body!" He felt my forehead and withdrew it quickly.

"Jesus Maureen, you're burning up!" I groaned and slid down into the bed. "I'll be right back." He disappeared into the bathroom, and then returned with a glass thermometer. "Say ahhh," he prompted.

"I'm not four!" I complained as he shoved the thing into my mouth, distorting my words. He glanced at his watch.

"You sure act like it. Hold it," he instructed. I made a face at him. He tucked my hair behind my ear. He looked at his watch again. "Okay. All done." He took the thermometer. "Jesus...come on, I'm taking you to the hospital." He helped me off the bed, then realized that I didn't have a jacket. "Hold on, I'll be right back." He ran up to the loft and returned with the old plaid one. He gave the corduroy one that he was wearing to me, as it was warmer, and slid on his old coat. I started crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry!" I said, continuing to cry. He looked confused.

"For what?"

"Everything." He seemed to get what I was saying.

"Shhh, it's all in the past. Come on, get up." I carried on about how sorry I was and continued crying as he half carried half dragged me to the hospital. He tried to soothe me and I finally stopped.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what that was about." He smiled.

"It's okay, I'm used to it." I shot him a look and we both laughed.

We arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. I could tell he was unhappy about being there, but he was keeping it together for me because I needed him to. I held onto him tightly, nervously. We had to wait in chairs for two hours before a doctor would see me. He asked for my symptoms and examined my body thoroughly.

"We're going to need to do a blood test." My eyes bulged.

"Wh-what?" Mark took my hand, sensing my panic.

"It's just a precaution. Chances are you just have influenza or something, not a big deal, but there is a possibility that it is something more serious, like HIV." Mark moved closer to me, trying to comfort me. I couldn't say anything, so I just nodded. He took the blood sample and took it off to the lab, and as soon as he left, Mark took me in his arms and I broke down crying. He rubbed my back, but I could tell he was pretty upset, too.

"Mark, what the fuck am I gonna do?"

"I'm going to assume you cheated on Joanne?" I sighed.

"Do you really need to ask?"

"I'm…sorry."

"It's okay. But…I just want you to be prepared if the results are positive." He looked at me incredulously.

"Maureen, don't worry about me. This is your life we're talking about here. Right now you're the one you should be worried about."

"I guess…I'm just…scared."

"Me too, me too."


End file.
